I blame this mostly on the dreariness of the month, but lately, I’ve been concerned that my current book-in-progress might actually be shit.
The jury’s still out on the feasibility of this concern, but I’m bringing it up because I’d bet hard cash that other authors go through the same thing.
I started seriously editing “A Fierce Debt” this month and the process is giving me a bad case of challenged self-esteem. I’m only about halfway through my first read-through and I am baffled by the number of common typos I’ve found. I’m not sure whether or not to be glad that most of my typos revolve around a slip of the keyboard rather than just bad grammar. I think my favorite typo so far has been when I typed “YouTube” instead of “you too.”
But I can power through that stuff easily. No, the stuff that is making me feel like a crap writer is all the plot holes and cheese I’ve found. The plot holes are frustrating because I have to go back, or forward, to figure out what I can change to fix them. It can take a long time.
By cheese, I mean that I apparently wrote a TON of cheesy dialogue, especially between my two MCs and now I’m left trying to FIX it so that they sound like ACTUAL people. Trust me, it’s not a fun time when your own book makes you cringe from time to time.
This isn’t all to say that I hate my book. I love my book. But it’s like when you start to care for someone and your expectations for them rise, so when they do something stupid, you’re extra disappointed. That’s how I feel about my book right now.
My mantra for the month has become something like, if people like Colleen Hover’s writing, they can surely tolerate yours. (No shame to Hoover fans out there, but like, maybe read It Ends With Us, skip Verity and move on to other authors.)
All in all, this month is proving a struggle and the email from NaNoWriMo about making the most of the month that just hit my inbox is giving me HIVES. But I am okay, I will power through and hopefully my book will be a much better one by February.
Pray for me.